a morning chat with Marie...

Good morning, friends.

It’s been a while, I know. I took a little much needed break. I don’t want to say I'm necessarily “back”, though. Saying that will put unnecessary pressure on me that I don’t need right now. I just want to write when I feel inspired, no deadlines or schedule. my life right now has enough deadlines and schedules as it is — so writing needs to be my way of escaping in this chapter in my life — not something I feel forced to do. Ya know? I do miss talking to yall on Sundays, though. I really do!

How was your week?

Mine was whatthefuck. LOL. Per usual. My daughter and I caught Rhinovirus. First of all, what is even that? And second — it comes with the worst cough on the planet. Whatever this virus is triggered an asthma exacerbation with her and she had to be hospitalized overnight. Turns out babygirl has asthma and that really sucks. It was such a scary experience…However, we are thankful that she is okay and getting back to her normal self.

As for me?

Well, I have really been minding my business and in my own little world. The only thing that sucks about that is I haven’t been writing as much — however — I have been journaling a lot. Honestly, as much as I feel bad for not writing, I am on a life changing journey right now spiritually, physically and mentally. On top of being a mom and working full-time, I have a lot on my plate. With that, I've been making time for MYSELF. Doing things that I enjoy and things that bring me happiness and peace. I’ve been actually living instead of having my face glued to my computer trying to figure out what to write about this week or when an assignment is due (taking a few terms off at school as well — my mental health was declining — that’s another story for another day).

Today I got the inspiration and it feels good to write because I caught that spark.

What else is new?

My mom and I are officially on book three in our book club! I feel so fulfilled with this because we have tried to have our own book club for yearssss and just couldn’t focus or get our shit together. Now? We’ve been consistently reading — and finishing — full length novels. I love this for us! <3

Something I learned this week? I love plants, real bad. I went from 2 to 7 in the matter of 5 days. LOL. I have officially started an herb garden and I couldn’t be more proud. On top of the herb garden, I grabbed a bunch of herbs and spices that I’m going to use for various things… and I’m excited about that. Every morning I’ve been going outside, greeting them, touching their leaves gently, and just spending time in their space. I don’t know about you, but I think they can hear me, LOL!!! Something about giving them all names and treating them with love makes me truly believe that they’ll live longer. This is my first time ever having any kind of plants… and I see now how so many plant parents end up with 150. I plan to have my balcony full by Spring. Once we get a house? Oh, the sky will be the limit!

So yes, plant mama era in full effect!

Now that I’m surrounded by cute little planted herbs, I love sitting outside more and reading or researching. I’ve been researching so much recently about my family history and lineage, where I come from, etc. I learned that my maternal ancestry is deeply rooted in Louisiana (I knew that already because my papa and I knew his parents were from Louisiana and so forth) but I didn’t know how deep their roots were… particularly the St. Martin and St. Mary Parish/Bayou Teche region. Multiple generations of my ancestors lived and worked there as farmers, laborers, and swamp workers. Confirmed through census’ that were taken back then. My heart is so full because I KNEWWWW I belonged here.

There was a strong tug at my soul every time I’d leave Louisiana and go back to Texas years back. I’d cry for days straight and I was depressed. It was crazy. But clearlyyyyyyyy, something didn’t want me to leave. I’m supposed to be here. 😎

I feel like I’m really starting to find my way in life and that makes me happy because I’m 30 now… and as young as that may sound, time is flying and not waiting on anyone.

The rest of my life here on Earth needs to be meaningful as fuck. I spent so much of my younger years in pain, going through shit, putting myself through shit, etc. I have rarely enjoyed my life since I’ve been an adult — until now.

It makes me emotional, but I realize that I’m not in a race or competition with anyone. This is my journey… my path. And if it took me 30 years to figure myself out then so be it. I am just living life… floating. I’m not on a hustle run or on some productivity run. I’m just being me. I’m enjoying my plants, my coffee, working on my novel and getting prepared for the Writing Workshop I was accepted into, working out, watching my shows, and having my family together. Shutting the world out unless I choose to invite you all in…like right now. and that’s where I'm at.

I love it here.

What’s my piece of advice for this week? Sit with yourself and ask yourself if the things you’re doing right now on a day to day, are things that you truly desire to do — or are you just doing them to please others? Ask yourself that question and be honest. I’m not talking about the job that pays your bills — but everything else. Figure out a way to start living for you and saying NO to people. You have ONE life to live on this plane of existence. Do you really want to use that time being everything for everyone else except yourself? Or doing things just because someone else likes it or wants that for you? I highly doubt it.

Anyway, cheers to truly touching grass and not just saying that for the socials. Talk to y’all soon!