My Mema — the OG

This month will make a year since my Mema passed away. I’m tearing up as I’m writing this because… me and that woman had a bond like no other. She loved me to the moon and back and then back again.

I miss her. God do I miss her… so much.

I wrote this story below a few years ago and I thought I’d share it. I’d post it on the day she passed — but I’m sure I’ll be head deep in 6 glasses of wine and crying on that day. The wine part is what she would’ve wanted. So I hope you get a kick out of this story! It’s one I tell all the time, LOL.

First and foremost let me start off by saying my Mema is an OG. Even though this story happened almost 14 years ago — she is still a force to be reckoned with.

Back in high school, my Mema was listed as my guardian since her home was near one of the nicer schools in the disctrict. So any time I got in trouble, they were calling her. Now, this worked in my favor because my Mema never thought I did anything wrong—she was my saving grace for years.

So this one time —one of the many times I had a smart mouth with a teacher—my Mema was the one who had gotten into trouble. Which is hilarious because how does a middle aged woman get in trouble at a high school?

Let the story begin…

So Ms. Quereshi was teaching us about Spanish words regarding food. She also had an English accent being that she was from England and that always made me laugh—not sure why. I guess at the time I was expecting someone who’s native language and first language was Spanish, to teach us Spanish. I was a little asshole back then, please forgive me.

Just the day prior, she told us that we could not eat any food in her class unless it is something that grows from the ground—raw fruits and veggies is really what she meant.

I had a granola bar in my backpack so I decide to take it out to eat it—not to upset her, but because I truly was hungry. She hears the wrapper opening and she looks up like a deer in headlights and squints. This made me bust out laughing —nearly spitting out the one piece I had bitten off all over the awkward kid that sat in front of me.

“Excuse me, what are you doing?”

“Ummm…Eating my granola bar? What does it look like?”

“I could’ve sworn I said yesterday that the only thing you could eat in this class are things that are grown from the ground.”

“Well, technically, this does grow from the ground. Whole grains grow from the earth.”

Now, I’m not sure why, but she was very offended by this—as if I had said something wrong. My comment though made everyone laugh but I was actually being serious.

There was an adult teacher’s aid in the room as well and so I said, “Right!? Don’t whole grains grow from the ground???”

The teachers aid replied and looked at her, “Yeah they actually do. She has a point.”

This pissed her off even more. So she says “I don’t have time for these foolish games! Who’s your guardian?! Call them up right now I need to speak with them.”

“Umm, are you sure you wanna do that?”

(Me knowing that my Mema would rip her to shreds for telling me, her beautiful and innocent granddaughter, that she can’t eat when she’s hungry.)

Ms. Quereshi squints—for the second time making me laugh.

“Call her, now.”

“Okay, you asked for this.”

So she gets on the phone and she tells my Mema what happened. Why she decides to do this in front of the entire class I have no idea. But, it’s dead silent and all you can hear is my Mema going off on this lady at 100 miles a minute.

Now, I wish I would’ve heard everything she said, but I didn’t. I just know that Ms. Quereshi hands me my phone back and says “Now I see where you get it from! Over and out! Let’s go! We are going to your assistant principal’s office!!”

(The “over and out” part is what really takes me out every time I tell this story. Because did she have an imaginary walkie talkie that I wasn’t aware of?)

Everyone’s laughing and I’m rolling my eyes because this is a waste of my time. I just wanted to sit there, eat my granola bar, and not pay attention to the lesson while sneaking to text my boyfriend back every few minutes.

We get to the office and she’s filling out the write up form. My AP is staring at me shaking her head because I’m sure I was just in here the day before.

She hands the write up form to my AP and stomps out.

My AP looks down at the form and looks confused.

“Pennye? Isn’t Pennye your Mema?”

“Yes? Why?”

She hands me the write up form and I just sit there, dying laughing.

“Pennye called me a bitch and threatened my life!” (I truly don’t think my Mema threatened to kill this lady—I am sure she was exaggerating.)

My name was no where on the write up form. She had completely forgotten that I simply just wanted to eat a granola bar and had corrected her in front of the entire class.

My AP seemed to get a kick out of it—as did I. She let me sit there the rest of the time helping her with some office work.

I also got to finish my granola bar, so that was nice.

So glasses up to the Memas’ of the world. Defending little shits like I was.

I am a much better person now and very nice. Not sure who was in my body back in the day but I keep her hidden unless necessary.