Sunday Newsletter... But at Night? 🥹

Oh, hi cousins.

It’s been a little minute, I know. And I always feel like I need to apologize for being absent on here sometimes. But I don’t think it’s something I need to apologize for. I’m not super woman… and my life is so chaotic — the fact that I can manage to blog is by miracle. LOL! But I love it so much, so it’s something I make sure I do so that I can feel sane. I show up when I can, and that’s all that matters.

This past week I was very much under the weather. I kind of still am, but the fighter in me can’t tell if I’m forcing myself to be up and have this energy, or if I’m still in need of rest. I took a 2 hour nap today… so clearly I still need it. The first day of being sick it felt like the flu. I mean within 45 minutes I was having chills, a fever, headache, sore throat, coughing, all of it.

I had to sit at my desk and work through that and I was soooo cold. My poor lil feet, even with socks on, were so cold touching the floor beneath me. It was hell!

I took some theraflu, made (several) hot toddies (shout out to my friend for the whiskey 💜), soaked in the bath with elderberry, slept a lot, binged Grey’s Anatomy for two days… and I really think it helped lol. Now I’m just dealing with a cough and my ear hurts. Not over it completely, but I don’t have the luxury to lay around for days at a time… so regardless we are pushing through.

It’s probably late by now where you are… so lets cheers with a cup of tea? Maybe a hot toddy even? 😏

Alright, let’s talk. Real quick, because I have assignments I didn’t do this week. 🫠

Therapy Actually Does Work… Who Would’ve Guessed?

Not my judgmental ass. Okay, I’m not judgmental anymore. I never really was. Really more of a “to-each-his-own” type of person… but ya know, in some way… there’s always a judgmental undertone when you say that. Depending on the person.

I never thought therapy was something that actually worked. I always thought that these people are getting paid to say “mmm, mhmm, and how does that make you feel?” for an hour straight.

However, that is completely not the case. And I am 100% a supporter. Therapy has taught me that a lot of who I am in the way I respond to things, the way I think about certain situations, is actually a trauma response. My people pleasing? Trauma response. Me taking accountability for other people’s actions or placing the blame on myself when it was actually the other person’s actions that made me respond the way I did? Trauma response. Overthinking? TRAUMA RESPONSE.

I could go on and on, but for the sake of time — I’m sure you get where I’m going with this. Things that I went through growing up, and even in past relationships, generate this trauma response in me. I didn’t even realize it until recently. I thought I was just this sweet, kind, and giving person. (sometimes — don’t forget I’ll still whoop yo ass 😭)

Which, I am. But… a lot of the time, me being so sweet and giving is because I don’t want to upset someone I love. Instead, I give them everything they need and want. I respond in ways to make sure I don’t bruise their ego. I over apologize.

This last session, I cried my eyes out almost the entire time. I’m realizing that I have a lot of healing to do. And I’m doing it… but I’m not at the finish line just yet.

Something that my therapist does when she hears me taking accountability for someone else is she stops me immediately and redirects me. She doesn’t allow me to think even for one second that in that situation, I need to take accountability. She makes sure I know that no… that person is actually wrong. And here’s why. And it makes sense. She’s not trying to coddle me or anything, but she wants me to understand that it is OK to admit that it’s someone else’s fault. Now let’s process that. You know? As much shit as I talk online, I actually do take accountability very well in real life. And I am not ashamed of that… when I DO something wrong.

But taking accountability for someone else’s actions against you? Not okay.

So, yeah. I’m learning. I’m learning that I am not at fault for a lot of the things that have happened to me that I took the blame for.

And that’s okay.

If you’ve been putting off therapy or were thinking about going because you feel that urge… take this as your sign. <3

I love y’all, and I hope you have an amazing week.

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