The Everlasting Storm in My World

Good evening friends.

I know… it’s been a while. Last week I was terribly sick with literally everything under the sun on top of a stomach bug, gross. This week I’m battling my anxiety and depression. LOL!!!!!! Grab some wine or whiskey — whichever one burns your soul in the best way and lets talk. I’m all over the place so keep up.

Y’all… lately, I’ve been feeling like I’m drowning in the weight of it all. Everything is so damn expensive. Every time I check the numbers, my anxiety kicks in like, Girl, what are we even doing?! 😩 The money is tight, the bills don’t stop, and I just want more for my family, for myself, for this life I’ve been trying so hard to build. I truly can’t even find a carton of eggs for under $5 and that is insane. Every time I leave the house I spend $150. Groceries? For a family of 5? LOL!! Puhlease!!!! It’s like paying rent trying to keep food on the table these days. What the fuck is going on?! Rent is ridiculous. If I told you what we pay for our two bedroom apartment, you’d probably slap me. Now granted, we live in a really nice neighborhood so that the kids can attend good schools. But we are starting to feel the weight of it now more than ever.

But how do you build when the foundation keeps shaking beneath you?

I’ve been off my anxiety meds for a while now. At first, I thought it was the right move—I hated feeling numb, like I wasn’t even me anymore. But now? Whew. I feel everything, and some days, it’s just too much. The sadness, the frustration, the stress of wanting to do more but feeling stuck. My brain refuses to clock out, and it’s exhausting. However, even though being off of them is tough, I’m even more tough. I’m gonna thug this out and figure out a way to manage my anxiety without depending on the medications for as long as I can.

Then, we have my everyday life. Being a stay-at-home mom, a writer, a full-time dreamer—it’s beautiful, but it’s a lot. I wake up every day knowing my kids need me, my home needs me, my business needs me, and there’s no off switch. No break. No moment to just exist without being needed. And as much as I love my babies, as much as I love the life I’m trying to create, I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t overwhelmed. And to be honest, overwhelmed is an understatement.

And the mom guilt? Oh, it’s real. I feel it heavy. I know my kids can sense when I’m stressed, and that alone eats me up inside. I don’t ever want them to feel like they’re too much—they’re not. It’s just everything else that is. Some days I just sit and cry in the shower so I’m not tapped on the shoulder by tiny hands with questions they don’t even know how to ask—asking if I’m okay. But today? I couldn’t help it. I cried like a baby in front of them. The tears just flowed and I sat there wondering what the fuck I was doing knowing that they could see me. But sometimes? It’s okay to let your children see you crying. They need to know that there is a human in there. One who has feelings just like them. One who cries just the way they do. They hugged me and I hugged them back tight. Knowing that eventually, things will get better.

And then, there’s Louisiana. 🏡💛 The place where I felt the happiest. The place that still feels like home, even though I’m not there. Even though I wasn’t born there. But moving back? That feels like a far-off dream right now. We’re barely making it where we are, so how can I even think about starting over? I tell myself it’s just not the right time, but my heart is already there. And that hurts.

Honestly? I don’t have the answers today. Maybe tomorrow will bring more clarity… or maybe I’ll just drink more coffee and figure it out as I go. ☕😂 But for now, I just needed to get this out.

If you’re feeling this too—if you’re out here trying to hold it all together, stressed, overwhelmed, and just trying to make it—please know you’re not alone. 💛 We’re in this together. Now, somebody pass me a damn beignet and a little bit of hope. 😅😂