Embracing My 30s + More

Good morning, friends! I know, there was no Sundays on the Bayou this week… but oh my goodness, your girl is FRIED. So let’s just get into it. By the way I took this picture above from the top floor of the parking garage at the New Orleans airport. It was such a beautiful view!

This post is gonna be long. But if you’re a reader like you claim to be, you’ll be aight.

First — if you’re friends with me on Facebook, I deactivated my page this morning. You all know I do that from time to time and it was time. Last time I did this was last summer in August and I think I returned in October? Idk. I’m not sure when I’ll be back, but its likely I’ll be off for the summer again. I said I needed a quieter summer in last week’s post — and what better way than to cut out some of the noise on the internet, amiright? My messenger is still active, though. So if you need to get a hold of me — I’m there.

Anyway…

It’s 7:53 am on a Tuesday. For some reason, I had enough energy to not go back to bed and to stay up — helped my husband get the girls ready for daycare, made coffee, studied in my Bible for a bit, and now I’m writing. Look at me, being all energized and focused and whatnot.

I figured staying up today would be better than falling back to sleep and then scrambling to get up and clock in at 11 am. Oh yeah, if you didn’t know. I’m working again — and before you ask, no! — this job is completely against my will, LOL. Am I thankful? Absolutely. A family of five on one income in this economy was just not cutting it anymore. But, shout out to my beautiful husband for holding it down the last 8 months for us.

I was able to rest, recharge, finish the second part to my novella and publish it, focus on my blog for a bit, and just be. It felt great. He didn’t complain one time — I love him for that.

However, I’m not the kind of wife that takes pleasure in watching my husband suffer financially so that I can bake bread from scratch and write all day. Was it beautiful and would I love to live that way again? Most definitely. I love him more than anyone will ever be able to comprehend and watching us drown little by little was hurting my soul — I had to put my big girl pants on and help out for a bit. And that’s okay. This “working a job I don’t really care for” is only for a season. I’ll be graduating again next year and FINALLY able to get a job teaching college English & Creative Writing. I’m so excited.

And my writing isn’t going anywhere. Am I able to put out as much as I was before? Unfortunately, no. But I’m doing what I can, and I really hope that you guys continue to stick by my side.

Some of you have been here since the beginning! I started sending blog posts in 2021 and here we are halfway through 2026. And even with my breaks and life changes, you still haven’t unsubscribed. The real MVPs.

Alright so.

I’m no longer in my 20s. THANK GOD!

Things I did, choices I’ve made, mistakes, etc… during that decade, all of that is forgiven and let go. I’m no longer dwelling on the complete cluster-fuck I was in my 20s. Don’t get me wrong, year 29 was a great year of accomplishments. But every year before that? I was a freaking disaster. Mentally, emotionally — all of it.

But my Saturn Return? CHILEEEE!!!!!!

Bring out the cigarettes and 40z of Old E.

The Saturn Return From Hell

*trigger warning: mention of the thought of suicide.*

So if you’re into astrology then I’m sure you know what this is… If you don’t know what a Saturn Return is, it’s basically a big ass reality check coming your way from year 27-30 where you’re transitioning into “real” adulthood. During this time, big shifts, changes, losses, and revelations come into play.

Now, I wasn’t a big astrology girlie for a long time. I’m still learning things — but during years 27 and 28, when I was at my worst — someone mentioned this Saturn Return to me. I looked it up and couldn’t help but relate to what was being said. This is when I started breaking more into astrology and shit like that. But anyway..

That damn Saturn Return almost took me up outta here.

I had to bold, highlight, and italicize that statement so you know how serious I am.

I don’t want to ever go through that many changes that close together ever in my life. Not only did I lose my Mema (I made a post about her, I’ll link it below)

My Mema — the OG

This month will make a year since my Mema passed away. I’m tearing up as I’m writing this because… me and that woman had a bond like no other. She loved me to the moon and back and then back again.

Letters from the Bayou Soul x SWMarie ✨

But I lost pieces of myself during that time, too. I lost soooo many friends. I lost stability. My job. I almost lost my relationship (thank GOD we didn’t give up on each other. We did a few times, but we managed to come back even stronger). I literally was down on all of my luck. I damn near lost it all, okay?

I mean I was really questioning whether God was playing cruel jokes on me. I was the most depressed I’d ever been.

It got so bad, that I yes… I thought about it. Multiple times. I just knew that if I did it, I wouldn’t feel that deep, unwavering pain that I was feeling.

There were times where I’d dwell on it. I’d sit in my bathroom, listening to Feel by Kendrick Lamar over and over… and I’d sob. I’d sob so hard… thinking about all of the mistakes i’ve made that led me to that point. Thinking about all of the people who’d hurt me when my only intention ever was to just be a good person. Thinking about how unfair life felt at that time.

I’ve made mistakes of course. And maybe I am the villain in someone’s story. But for majority of my life, I’ve always wanted to just be a good human being to people. If anyone knows me personally, they know — I don’t come with agendas, I’m not looking to hurt anyone, I give myself — my authentic self, wholly — to anyone that I allow into my life.

So to feel so betrayed, hurt, abandoned, and thrown to the side by life and people that claimed they loved me, hurt me to my core. Because I felt like there was nothing I had done to deserve that kind of treatment.

But see here’s the thing I had to learn about life… none of us are exempt from disappointment, pain and turmoil. At some point in life, it will be your turn to go through it. It doesn’t matter if you’re a good person or not. Or if you’ve done all you can to do the right thing.

There will be a time when everything comes crashing and you will wonder why the fuck it’s happening to you when all you do is mind your business and do your best to be a good person.

When that happens, just know… that it will NOT last forever. Okay? I know that’s cliche, but I’m being honest. Because had I decided to end it all… my three children would be motherless, my husband would be alone, my family would still be in mourning, and I wouldn’t be sitting here today in answered prayers of living my little life peacefully in Louisiana — published author, columnist, Blogger and an English grad, (soon to be MFA grad!).

It gets better.

I promise, it gets better.

Embracing a new decade…

On May 17th I turned 30. Finally!

I swear I feel like I’ve been 30 for the past 5 years — 3 kids (two back-to-back pregnancies will do that to you). I mean, don’t get me wrong, I love my little life. And by the time I’m 45 all of my children will be adults. I say that’s a win. Me and daddy will be going on a year long vacation — no kids! Don’t burn down my house and make sure the mortgage gets paid on time…please, thanks! 😂

No, but seriously. We deserve a real vacation. Passports are definitely getting retrieved this year for the entire family so that we can start exploring this world before it goes up in flames.

Alright, damn. Sorry — not trying to be all doomsday, but ya’ll know I’m one of those people. My optimistic switch does tend to turn off sometimes.

Anyway!

I take walking into a new decade very seriously. I see it as a clean slate. A refresh — almost like when we bring in the new year, but better.

All of that shit I was just talking about in my 20s? Done. I can’t take back decisions I’ve made and I can’t erase anything, but I can move forward and continue this walk in my 30s with peace, grace, and gratitude.

I want to be thankful for the little things and see the beauty in life outside of all of the big things that we strive for.

The happiness I feel when I’m drinking coffee on the balcony with my husband, the sound of laughter coming from my babies, the way the sky changes color when we’re out on a drive, the little feet pattering at the park. Or… simply just waking up with breath in my body and the energy to write, read, or just be.

And see that’s another thing — this life was meant to be lived and experienced. But living doesn’t have to mean hustling. And living doesn’t have to mean always being busy. You are worthy of just being.

My family and I are on a journey to ultimate peace. Living a life where we don’t have to rush to do anything. We are yearning for a life where waking up, being alive, pouring coffee, and just breathing in fresh air is all that we need to do that day. You are not more important just because you’re working your ass off 12+ hours a day just to say you’re being productive.

You deserve rest. I mean if that’s what gets you going, by all means! But you deserve to have the option. We all do.

If I don’t want to work my life away, I shouldn’t have to. There’s ways around it, though. And that road? That’s the road me and my family are on. One day? We will crossover to the other side of life where simply living is enough.

And that’s all I truly want at the end of the day.

New Orleans Recommendations from my 30th Birthday Weekend

New Orleans is just crawling with gems — one of the reasons why I love it so much.

I found this place for brunch and my mom and sister took me for my birthday! It’s called Atchafalaya (and if you can’t pronounce that, you can’t go!) just kidding. (Not really. Learn the language like I had to 😂)

Three of the most beautiful women you’ll ever see, btw.

This cute little place is nestled right inside of the Garden District and it is a MUST try if you’re in the city and looking for “fancier” cuisine.

And the strawberry-basil margarita? 10/10. There is no where that you’re going to go in New Orleans where they are skimping on the alcohol in the beverage. If there is, I haven’t found it yet and please — don’t recommend it to me.

Another place to try in the Garden District? Bar Epilogue!

The cutest freaking bookstore and yes — you guessed it — there’s drinks! We got mimosas, walked around, looked at books, and even got our next book club book there! I had a great conversation with the bartender and one of the workers about James Baldwin and what it’s like living in Louisiana. We bonded over our love for New Orleans and all of its quirkiness. It was beautiful.

Well, I think that’s all for now.

It’s 9:10 which means I’ve been writing now for over an hour. If that’s not a win for me this week, I don’t know what is!

I love you all dearly.

And thank you for making it to the end. I hope you have a great week.

Me? Oh, I’ll just be enjoying my peace.

Marie, out!

☮