there is nothing rewarding about being a people pleaser or oversharer — fuck these people 🦋

oh yes. there it is. the realization that people pleasing does nothing for the soul.

i want to remind you all that my ADHD is working overtime today. usually i get on here and i show off my english degree by making sure that everything looks all nice and tidy but i dont want to do that right now. and im not going to do it.

so anyway… lets get into the nitty gritty of what im trying to say as i sip my second cup of coffee for the day.

if you missed yesterday’s post… i will link it at the end of this one. I wrote about how i decided to leave the social media world behind. when i say the social media world i mean: twitter, tiktok, and instagram. (i told instagram weeks ago that i was about to fall off the face of the earth and i think they thought i was joking… haha. i was not)

yes — i severed my ties with the other apps in which i attempted to make my writing be a hot topic… my book go viral, and make a “living” on the tiktok shop creators program. please understand that doing anything on social media was not apart of my agenda when i decided to take my writing to the next level. but i knew that having these apps would aid in my ability to promote my work to a broader audience. but then i realized… THEN IT HIT ME… that very thing that i was doing was a form of people pleasing. people would tell me “promote more!” “make a tiktok!” “get back on instagram!” so i did. i did all of these things and you know what it left me feeling? nothing. empty. and anxiety ridden.

since the beginning of my life of being able to understand people and the way they work — i have been a people pleaser.

i have wanted to make sure that everyone is happy. avoid the uncomfortable conversations. let things go without expressing how i truly feel. saying yes to things i wanted to say no to. putting myself in uncomfortable positions because someone else suggested it might be a good idea. or it was something they wanted me to do.

i have NO fucking idea how or when this type of thought process became embedded in my dna. but i cannot continue being that person.

i turned 29 this past Saturday. i died that day.

yes you read right…

sitting at the dining table drunk as hell after the bar with my mom, cousin, and sister, i realized during a conversation we were having that something needed to die. and what was that something? me. why you ask? because i have been a chronic people pleaser for my entire life and i was over it. my sister said to me: “you care too much. you have to stop giving a fuck about how other people feel.”

i told her that i cannot do that. i want to so badly but i cant.

my mom was behind me and telling her that she understood me. she understands how hard i try not to care and she also understands how hard i wish i could change the fact that i care so deeply about other people.

but then i understood — its not that i have to stop caring. i just have to stop pleasing. its not that i have to stop caring — its just that i need to care about me more.

people pleasing is fucking draining man.

i dont have to give a fuck about how you feel about something im doing or not doing.

i dont.

i dont have to care that someone hasnt texted me in 4 months because i never crossed their mind to check on me. i dont have to overextend myself to people who would never do that for me.

i can be quiet for 6 months if i want and then pour my heart out into a book and release it without anyone even knowing it got released. i can move back to louisiana in secret and not tell a soul. i can do whatever the fuck i wanna do without having to care about peoples opinions, how they feel, or why they do or dont agree.

and the crazier thing you will find out is: people do not give a damn what you do. but when you offer up your life, you invite their opinions. and honestly? i rather be alone than listen to anything anyone else has to say.

now you may wonder why im 29 and just realizing this — or should i say just now accepting it...

the short answer is: i started having children before i figured out who i was or what i wanted in this world. i was a kid when i had my first child. i never got to find myself. now i have 3. im 29 and im finally understanding things about. coming to realizations and revelations that are life altering.

and you know what? that is okay. it’s okay. because im not in a rush. the only people that i need to be competing with are the versions of me that i wish to no longer be. i dont want to be the people pleaser anymore. i dont want to be the over sharer anymore. i dont want to be the person who constantly feels the need to be so exposed and allow people into my life and my space.

i dont want to be her anymore. so… i offed her. she no longer exists.

so i what i want to say is this: you can do what you want, reinvent yourself as many times as you need to until you find the version of yourself that feels like home. it took me a while. but i have arrived. this mindset shift change within me is so goddamn liberating.

so if you dont hear from me because im no longer on your timeline and my profile picture isn’t lighting up with a story waiting to be watched — you will still hear from me through my blogs and my actual stories that came from my creative mind.

signed,

retired people pleaser ✨

i gave up.

i dont even care to edit this essay or make it look fancy like i normally do. I’m just typing on my computer and whatever comes out comes out.

Letters in the Liminal MarginsMarie In Reverie ☁️